Of time and parents...
I am sitting at home presently. The house is all quiet except for occasional yelps and barks from my dogs outside. This is peaceful. The sound of flowing water from the fountain outside further releases this mind to think of the past and the future and what it may behold. This is where it all began. This home. This place. This spot. The same place where I fought with my parents on sibling equality, of fairness, where the plans for the future, which would be simmering in my mind, are put down into action plans, so that when I go back to the big city, I can materialize it. The same place where so many family memories have been forged in stone.
What is it about homes? Why does it always bring out the child from within? Why is it you feel so weak and yet so strong when you are back home? Is it because, here you are always safe? Is it because here everything will always be all right and there is always someone to depend on when you are in need? Alternatively, is it because there will be always be home cooked food when you are hungry? Strange. As far as I could remember, I always wanted to leave this peaceful haven and go out into the world to explore and experience. I left my home at the age of 18 and after more than a decade, here I sit at the same place thinking why did I leave to start with? From my travels, I know there is not much out there in the world. There is no safety, very little love and definitely very little trust. The world outside is not a nice place to live in, and that in itself is an understatement. Yet, I wanted to experience this first hand once. Must have been the urges of growing up. Now, if given the choice, I would gladly move to the countryside and start all over again. The present path I have carved out in my life professionally will never allow me to do that or take that option. At least I can take comfort that this home will always be here. A beacon of hope and refuge when things become overpowering for me in the world outside.
However, over the couple of days I have started to ask myself “For how long?” My parents are ageing. Though they may still perform the same job, (both are still working and they are nearing 60), sign of aging clearly shows in the faces and their movements. I dread the inevitable one day. It will come and it is fast approaching. This I can feel. How will I handle it? Question of your own mortality arises when you think how short a time you actually have in this world. I am 30 now and I will have another 30 years more before I am in the same boat as my parents. The past 30 years whizzed by faster than you can say ‘wow!’ It seems like it was just yesterday I rode my first BMX bicycle (8 years), has my first crush (12 years), my first proper relationship (16 years), my years in England (19-21 years), my first proper job (22 years), my years doing my post graduate degree (28 years) and now a consultant (30 years). How time has flown all these years! Where did it all go and why does have to go by so fast?
I can safely say most of us are very unappreciative of the time we have in our hands. We sleep, we spend time doing mundane things which benefits us in no way whatsoever (except for a temporary feeling of enjoyment) until a point of time when the question “I have so much of times on my hands. What shall I do now?” silently changes to “I have no time on my hand! Where am I going to squeeze the additional 2 or 3 hours? Less sleep?” Strange indeed. God gave us a healthy dose of time the day we entered into this world. We only question its existence when we are halfway through life and when you see the faces of your aging parents who, I am sure have come to terms with the whole mortality issue, and have begun preparation for silent departure when the time arises, making sure everything is in place for their children as they always have been doing.
I wish I could turn back time. I would have said ‘I love you and appreciate what you have done for me all this while” more to them, to help them out more in their times of need, to not burden them with my miniscule problems and issues, to help them raise my siblings, the list goes on and on. The fabric of time does not stand still for no one. This I have come to understand. The best I can do now is try to re-gain what time I have lost. I will be better towards my parents, show them more love, help them out a bit more, and tell them that they are indeed appreciated. I need to do this now, as they do not have much time left. The next 5 to 10 years will fly by and I will find myself truly alone in this world, for the first time, when the dreaded moment arrives. I will then have to carry on with my life for the next 30 years and hopefully, my children will have these same thoughts when I am 60 one day. Nice thing to hope for but not so many people are so lucky. I have been lucky to be blessed with the parent I have. This I have come to experience even today. This morning my aging dad woke me up before going off to work and gave me a cup of coffee in bed. The same thing he has been doing everyday since I was a young boy. A small gesture, which often overlooked, but it will always remain in my mind for the course of my natural existence. I only hope I can do the same for my children one day when I am that old.
Such is the cycle of life. I will be going to see the LORD later this evening. I need to this. I have moved far away from him in the past 6 months. I need reassurance that everything will be all right in the coming years for me and my family with all the turbulences I am facing at this junction of life. I hope he can help me out. I think he is the only one who actually can.
What is it about homes? Why does it always bring out the child from within? Why is it you feel so weak and yet so strong when you are back home? Is it because, here you are always safe? Is it because here everything will always be all right and there is always someone to depend on when you are in need? Alternatively, is it because there will be always be home cooked food when you are hungry? Strange. As far as I could remember, I always wanted to leave this peaceful haven and go out into the world to explore and experience. I left my home at the age of 18 and after more than a decade, here I sit at the same place thinking why did I leave to start with? From my travels, I know there is not much out there in the world. There is no safety, very little love and definitely very little trust. The world outside is not a nice place to live in, and that in itself is an understatement. Yet, I wanted to experience this first hand once. Must have been the urges of growing up. Now, if given the choice, I would gladly move to the countryside and start all over again. The present path I have carved out in my life professionally will never allow me to do that or take that option. At least I can take comfort that this home will always be here. A beacon of hope and refuge when things become overpowering for me in the world outside.
However, over the couple of days I have started to ask myself “For how long?” My parents are ageing. Though they may still perform the same job, (both are still working and they are nearing 60), sign of aging clearly shows in the faces and their movements. I dread the inevitable one day. It will come and it is fast approaching. This I can feel. How will I handle it? Question of your own mortality arises when you think how short a time you actually have in this world. I am 30 now and I will have another 30 years more before I am in the same boat as my parents. The past 30 years whizzed by faster than you can say ‘wow!’ It seems like it was just yesterday I rode my first BMX bicycle (8 years), has my first crush (12 years), my first proper relationship (16 years), my years in England (19-21 years), my first proper job (22 years), my years doing my post graduate degree (28 years) and now a consultant (30 years). How time has flown all these years! Where did it all go and why does have to go by so fast?
I can safely say most of us are very unappreciative of the time we have in our hands. We sleep, we spend time doing mundane things which benefits us in no way whatsoever (except for a temporary feeling of enjoyment) until a point of time when the question “I have so much of times on my hands. What shall I do now?” silently changes to “I have no time on my hand! Where am I going to squeeze the additional 2 or 3 hours? Less sleep?” Strange indeed. God gave us a healthy dose of time the day we entered into this world. We only question its existence when we are halfway through life and when you see the faces of your aging parents who, I am sure have come to terms with the whole mortality issue, and have begun preparation for silent departure when the time arises, making sure everything is in place for their children as they always have been doing.
I wish I could turn back time. I would have said ‘I love you and appreciate what you have done for me all this while” more to them, to help them out more in their times of need, to not burden them with my miniscule problems and issues, to help them raise my siblings, the list goes on and on. The fabric of time does not stand still for no one. This I have come to understand. The best I can do now is try to re-gain what time I have lost. I will be better towards my parents, show them more love, help them out a bit more, and tell them that they are indeed appreciated. I need to do this now, as they do not have much time left. The next 5 to 10 years will fly by and I will find myself truly alone in this world, for the first time, when the dreaded moment arrives. I will then have to carry on with my life for the next 30 years and hopefully, my children will have these same thoughts when I am 60 one day. Nice thing to hope for but not so many people are so lucky. I have been lucky to be blessed with the parent I have. This I have come to experience even today. This morning my aging dad woke me up before going off to work and gave me a cup of coffee in bed. The same thing he has been doing everyday since I was a young boy. A small gesture, which often overlooked, but it will always remain in my mind for the course of my natural existence. I only hope I can do the same for my children one day when I am that old.
Such is the cycle of life. I will be going to see the LORD later this evening. I need to this. I have moved far away from him in the past 6 months. I need reassurance that everything will be all right in the coming years for me and my family with all the turbulences I am facing at this junction of life. I hope he can help me out. I think he is the only one who actually can.
posted by TheMindInTheHeart at Monday, August 07, 2006
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