Of dancing...

I went out last night for a quiet drink. The DJ played some lovely ol’ oldies and the music slowly got me swaying. And then it happened. I started to dance. Like how I used to once. With no care for in the world. Just me and the music. How could I forget the simple pleasures in life like dancing for so long? Sort of figured it out. I've always got this thing about memories. I tend to never forget. I am not sure whether this is a blessing or a curse and I have seen it work in both ways. I suppose I stopped dancing for some time now because it brought back a lot of old memories. Memories which I think I have buried deeply both in my heart and in my mind. But yesterday, it all came flooding back to me. But I didn’t care. Thats just what they are. Memories. Of things and emotions experienced in the past. I danced yesterday both to remember and and put to rest the memories within. To be in peace with my inner self again.

It did feel strange but it was worth it. It felt good to actually dance again without feeling sadness and hatred in the heart. Just peacefulness. The one-ness with the music, the body, the heart and the soul. To hear and feel the songs that has been with me in many different stages in my life, in many different parts of the world. These songs were always there in the past, it is still here and I have no doubt that it will still be there in the coming future. Some things choose the remains constants in my life and some just don't. I would equate these songs to that of a fixed boulder in a flowing raging river. The water is constantly flowing but the boulder remains. Knowing this sort of gave me some relief that some things will remain as they are in my life and some things will change. Hey! things are going to be fine after all. That was good to know.

The boulder-river metaphor can also be used to describe the people around us in our lives. The people change. Different people walk in and out of our lives everyday. Some stay with us through our life journeys. Others come along for some parts of the journey and then disembark when they reach their destination. Still others momentarily come into our lives to show us or guide us in time when we need help. Very few actually stay the full course of the journey. Those that do will finally experience something like no other in the end. A feeling of one-ness. Some are just not lucky enough to experience that. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind last night. Quite strange things to ponder in a noisy pub, but to me at that time, all the din and racket was filtered out. I could only hear my inner voice, the thoughts, the music and the sight of people dancing. I can safely say that the culprit of a song that started the the flow of thoughts was non-other than:

I can see clearly now,
the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin?
forIt’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin?
but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin?
but blue skies

I can see clearly now,
the rain is gone,I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)Sun-Shiny day.
-Johnny Nash-

It was lovely to feel alive again. To not have the feelings of the past. I actually sat and wondered what happened to me all this time. Why did I ever stop dancing? Why did I stop the one thing that has always given me freedom? I think I figured it out now. I tend to absorb the beauty around me. To live is to feel. I think I just stopped doing that. I became blind to the small things and started living in my own cocoon (self made may I add and have grown to become very accustomed to it). By dancing again yesterday, I broke that mould. I felt free once more.

I also finally admited something to myself. That I DO enjoy dancing immensely! and irrespective of how old I become (Hey, Im sure I have at least 30 years ahead of me before I get onto that train), I will still dance. I am still very much alive today and have so much to look forward to in the coming years. New people, experiences and places are coming at me at breakneck speed and I just have to enjoy the journey and the experiences. In the end, dancing will be the only thing that will keep me sane through all of this. It was what kept me sane till now from my previous experiences. It is still the only thing that will keep me rooted and yet still show me that I am indeed a free being. A very precious feeling indeed. It was a good night yesterday.